Day 31….BOOM!!!

So this is just rambling because that seems to be how my brain is working this morning. I have debated long and hard on whether I even needed to mention this because in one part of my mind it wasn’t what i usually have to drink,  it was bourbon, and it was only one and it sucked and it didn’t make me feel better and it made my sleep horrible and I wasn’t even drunk and I hate to give up 31 days just because of that but on the other side I don’t want my hundred days to make me feel like a complete liar knowing that I had a drink…. so today I am left with feeling horrible, like a failure, just totally uncomfortable in my own skin… Maybe this is a midlife crisis? Maybe I’m just doomed to be a failure? I know all this will go away and I know I’m just having a down day today but it really sucks to say that I’m back on day one and I know why I went off, I kept saying in my head HALT, HALT, HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tiredx) and I had the “T” down to a science, I was tired, exhausted in fact and I knew not to do it and what really pisses me off is I didn’t even enjoy it so I think I’m partly upset about that too, the fun part of alcohol apparently is no longer for me…. so reset the clock…. I’m doubling down back on day 1 and I will win this battle, of that I have no doubt….. thanks for listening to my rambling and I hope they make sense. GaGalGoingDry sober Day one!!!
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8 thoughts on “Day 31….BOOM!!!

  1. I did this once, I told myself if I did it again I would count from the beginning but it is one tiny blip. Carry on counting but promise yourself if you slip again you would have to start again. I am day 32 (and a little blip)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The fun part not being fun anymore is when you know the jig is up. I’m so glad you are still determined. Slips are neccssary sometimes to cement the resolve that there really is nothing good about drinking. Still cheering you on. xxx

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I also think that the not fun part is going to turn out to be a helpful thing for you, just another chunk chipped out of the illusion of alcohol being a good thing. Don’t be hard on yourself, it sounds like you’ve learned something from this. Cheering you on here too, keep going. Hugs x

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  4. I know someone who reset her sobriety dates after years of recovery because she remembered a time abusing pills one day (and she was sober). I think it took a lot of courage to do that, and I think it takes courage to do what you are doing too. I think honesty to ourselves is one of the foundations of a solid recovery, and you’re doing that. It sucks, but you are setting the table clean and with integrity! Glad you stopped when you did – some people never make it back!

    Blessings,
    Paul

    Like

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