Changing Colors

9f10259974f26996d0c05109d9f618c8I feel like the changing colors of my bruises  are some sort of analogy for how my thoughts are trying to process this resolution of mine to say never again alcohol, never again. Bruises happen, temporary reminders of moments many would like to forget, especially as you watch it through a rainbow of red, blue, purple, black, green and yellow shades.  But I can’t help but see this in some small way as a badge of honor, my rebirth temporary tattoo, a small reminder to help me get through the first few days of recovery.

I look at it quite frequently and remember this is why I don’t want to go back., why I can’t go back.  I can’t do one glass as it never stops.  I’m only 4 days in and am practicing tons of self care, reading, praying, blogging, cleaning, thinking etc.  I know you all are out her for support. I’ve joined SmartRecovery, begin doing exercises, I have books but most of all right now I have the WILL to want to do this. To find out they why and the how.  I am sticking to this quote for now, as it seems to wrap up everything I need so far!

“If you can quit for one day, you can quit for a lifetime!”

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15 thoughts on “Changing Colors

    • Thanks… I’ve used these last few days recuperating to read, read, read and now I’m ready to get back to real life and apply some of it! I finally quit looking at all the info out there and just started reading what I already had on hand. Information overload!

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  1. If you’re anything like me, it’s best to keep it in the moment- each moment, I will not drink. Somehow saying never may work while the bruises and memories (or lack of) are fresh but as they fade, so does the “never”. I have a problem with even counting my sober time because I end up using it against myself. I have to pray for sobriety for each day when I wake up and thank God for it when I go to bed. Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. ❤

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    • Thank you Elizabeth. I’ve already worried about the same thing, what happens when this fades and the fuzziness of the badness is replaced. I’m just like you, day by day. I’ve got to agree that it’s moment by moment, you never know what’s going to get you craving.

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  2. My bottom was drinking all day, blacking out driving, ending up at my yoga studio, where everyone knows me, for a massage, and so drunk they took away my keys, and I started crying…they called my hubs, and it was SO humiliating.
    Never, ever again.
    xo
    Wendy

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    • Oh Wendy… I’m so sorry! I know bottoms are different for all but the shame seems to be universal for all of us. I haven’t said much to anyone about my bottom yet family wise, afraid of failing again and then having everyone looking at me as a failure again!

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  3. I remember my bruises after my rock bottom moment, looked similar to yours. It took a month and half to two months for those bruises to disappear. Served as a reminder that drinking was self-harming to the extreme for me. Just take it one day at a time, it really works to do that:) xxx

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    • Will do Lamar. I’m waiting on the primary material now but I’ve been doing some research. It’s all about helping kick any addiction, not just alchohol and it’s about being self-aware. I’ll do more on it after I do a few lessons. They have an awesome online community as well.

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  4. Thanks for your post, I remember my last drunk and the next morning waking up thinking ‘ I actually cannot do this anymore” I swear to God as cliched as it sounds I really was”sick and tired of being sick and tired” For me it was the fellowship that worked for me. I wish you the very very best, you deserve it. S

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