Day 78 of this journey and for the last three nights I’ve had a bourbon and coke before bed. No wine, no blackouts but still troubling. That means out of 78 days I’ve been sober 96.15% of the time. That feels better than thinking I’ve just screwed up.
I looked up the difference between a lapse and a relapse, I know semantics to many but an interesting read.
Lapse vs. Relapse: There is a major difference between having one slip and having a relapse. A lapse represents a temporary slip or return to a previous behavior that one is trying to control or quit (usually a onetime occurrence), whereas a relapse represents a full-blown return to a pattern of behavior that one has been trying to moderate or quit altogether (Marlatt & Donovan, 2005).
I need to go back to Day 1 thinking and not drink at all. I don’t think moderation is going to work for me but I also know my mindset and if I look at this as a failure I will start a downward spiral.
Day one, or 3.79% drunk.